Lifestyles of the rich and famous

Jay slowly goes insane

Because the only treatment I’ve been using for the chigger bites I wrote about earlier has been scratching (not recommended), they’ve been getting worse. The mental strain of getting two hours of sleep each night as I’m up scratching the rest of the night is getting to me. I walk through the day like a (itchy) zombie.

I had read that the bites can go away quickly if you don’t scratch them, but mine have only been getting worse, a week and half later.

So why don’t you quit scratching them, Jay?

Good question, person who obviously have never had a chigger bite. Oh, you think you know the feeling because you’ve been bitten by a mosquito? No. You have no freaking idea. This is an itch that cannot be ignored. There is no blocking out the voice in your head screaming, “IT ITCHES! SCRATCH IT!”

But the voice telling you to scratch is only the beginning.

What really gets you is this: When you finally give in and scratch … Oh the PLEASURE! It feels so good I usually get goose bumps. It feels so good to scratch these things that deep down, in a sick and twisted part of me, I’m going to miss the bites when they are gone. It’s unbelievable.

So imagine the hell. Every site and blog you read tells you there is no real treatment, but just don’t scratch and the bites will fade quickly. So you try. You really do. But the combination of your brain screaming at you, plus the dopamine release when you finally scratch … it’s too much to overcome.

So, last night I finally gave in and tried a few of the treatments proscribed on various blogs. An oatmeal bath was the one that sounded the most intriguing. The blogs admit it will only bring relief for a couple of hours, but the idea of a relaxing bath sounded too good. Especially because one of the main reasons I haven’t tried many treatments is because I have bites all over my body. You think I’m going to put Vicks VapoRub everywhere? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

So, I did the oatmeal bath, and it worked about as well as they said it would. It gave me some relief, and I fell asleep.

Then, I work up at 3 a.m. with the usual voice screaming at me to scratch. At that point I used some VapoRub on my legs (where the most bites are), and was able to sleep the rest of the night. So, things are starting to get better. Thank you for your concern.

Peanut Buster Parfaits

Oh, so good. Thank you, Dairy Queen.

Oh, so good. Thank you, Dairy Queen.

I hadn’t had a Dairy Queen Peanut Buster Parfait in about 20 years until six months ago. I was working on some stories down at Fort Huachuca, Arizona, and there was a Dairy Queen just outside my hotel. So, one night I skipped over my usual habit of getting a DQ Blizzard and tried a PBP for old time’s sake.

Oh, the revelation! Who knew ice cream, chocolate and spanish peanuts could be so good? I’m addicted now. You know how some people do those “meal-replacement shakes” and such. That’s probably a good, healthy idea. My twist on it probably isn’t as healthy. At least once a week I skip dinner and have a Peanut Buster Parfait. It’s my little meal-replacement parfait.

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4 Responses to Lifestyles of the rich and famous

  1. I’ve never been bitten by one of these bugs but they look like they can give you hell if they bite you

  2. Patricia Martinez says:

    Darn you Jay! First you make me itch with the chigger post, and now you make me crave a Peanut Buster!!! You must be stopped!

    • You sound just like my handlers, Patricia! They keep telling me, “We hired you to use your incredible power to influence public opinion on the ballpark, not to write about Peanut Buster Parfaits!”

  3. Patricia Martinez says:

    You better obey your handlers. They’ll get very angry if you don’t, and you don’t want to see them when they’re angry!

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